I'm a better MOM.

I keep hearing women say they are better Mom's because they work.

When Tesla was 13 months old I started subbing for two days a week. Sometimes it was half days but it always added up to two days a week. Karl was finishing his last year of school and we had troubles making ends meet while living on 2 EI cheques for three months. We knew I had to return to work to pay off those bills. It killed me to leave Tesla, but after a few times it got easier. I would get to the school and start teaching. I love teaching! And the truth is after a while I didn't worry about Tesla or even think about her until it was time to pick her up.

After 6 months, I got a phone call for a full time position until the end of the school year. I had been standing in church the previous Sunday telling God about our finances and two days later got this phone call. 3 months of full time in a high school. I needed high school experience. I can't teach night school unless I have high school experience... that's why I was subbing. I took the job. I love teaching! I love teaching high school!

But always in the back of my mind I could never quite get away from feeling torn. I loved my job. I am good at my job but I have a responsibility to the one I brought into this world. Was I skipping out of my responsibility by leaving her in someone else's care? What a slippery slope... Tesla was fine for those days subbing and she would be fine for those 3 months. This was the first time I heard another women say she was a better mom because she worked.

The following year I worked part time in a different high school. Again I loved my job. I was pregnant with Anna and Tesla was in a good day home. Things were good. Except for the 3 hour battles to get Tesla into bed and the days when she was sick and we would toss a coin to see who would stay home with her and a few other things. I came home from work on March 15, a month before Anna was born and I took a long look at Tesla and I knew I had lost something. She had changed in the last year and I had missed it.

Recently I was watching Friday Night Lights and one of the characters was struggling to take her baby to daycare. I felt sick with anxiety just watching.

There are days when I know work would be easier. I don't enjoy playing Dora all day everyday. I'm not a great housewife... our house is a mess. But our kids are happier. What is best for me is not what is best for them. The night time battles have ended.

Tesla goes to preschool 4.5 hours a week. This gives me a chance to do some things for me and Tesla loves it. When women say they are better Mom's because they work I have to know more information before I can agree or disagree. The big question is how much do you work? If you are dropping your child off at 7 Am and picking them up at 5 and have them in bed by 7 Pm everyday, then I can not agree with you. You are not a better mom. I can say that because I have done it. You are a Mom who enjoys work. If you are a Mom who works a couple of days a week then maybe... if it gives you the break you need to play a better Dora I might be willing to listen to you.