It's Complicated

We were told it would happen.
We knew it would happen.
Now it has happened.

I'm feeling punched in the stomach.

I think we just were hopeful. On Tesla's last day of preschool we handed out cards to 3 of her favorite friends. They read "Tesla is moving and would like to stay in touch with you. Her new address is..." In my heart of hearts I knew this wouldn't pan out and it didn't. We haven't heard from any of these people since.

At Christmas time we sent out christmas letters with our new contact information.

Tonight we sat in our living room with the windows open listening to the birds sing. It is so peaceful. No dogs barking and cars moving. No neighbors. No airplanes. Peaceful. I like it. I like living here.

I don't like starting over. Which is sadly what I think we are doing.

We went to soccer tonight where there are a couple of familar faces. I went to Mom's and Tot's last week... also familar faces. But the truth is these mom's aren't my girls. They aren't the ones I talk to about nothing and everything. They aren't the ones I call nearest and dearest; who know all the things I would write on my secret blog (which has never been started but contemplated more times than I can count.) They aren't the ones who have helped me scrub my kitchen floor or told me off when I needed it. They aren't the ones who... well the list is too long. They just aren't my girls.

We cancelled our annual Christmas party this year. In the past we have invited our friends over for a potluck and gifting. We have always enjoyed it but this year it was too complicated so we decided we would have a housewarming party once we moved. The problem is no one can come. It's complicated. After getting decline after decline we decided to cancel the whole thing. We were disappointed.

The punch came tonight when our old small group changed venues. It probably felt like a punch because it happened so soon after the housewarming incident. We decided to see this group through until the end of the year. It contains many of our good friends. So every third week Karl stays in Calgary wasting a couple of hours until it starts, while I drive in with the girls. We have two vehicles in Calgary. We have PJ's. We have our component for the potluck supper. We have a great time and then we drive home; arriving close to 10 pm with two cranky girls. Don't get me wrong. We have made choices.

We were excited and delighted when this group suggested that we host the wrap up BBQ. Tonight the leader called to change venues because one of the families in our group won't come to our house. It's too far. It will be too late. PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH. All very good reasons, which I totally understand. Really I do. What could we say? No it has to be here. You have to make the same choices we make. We couldn't say that.

Here's what Karl had to say, "I'm not surprised. I kind of expected it. It would have been nice if someone else made the effort for once. I'm not sure I want to hang around the city for a couple of hours on a Friday night."

The familar faces said it would happen. Most of them have moved here in the last 3-5 years. They said people will come in the beginning. They said people will stop coming.

People have stopped coming. It's definitely slowing down. Is it true then? Are we really going to do this? Am I really going to have to start looking for replacements for my girls? Dare I ask... are they replaceable? NOT ON YOUR LIFE but...

We do have to do something. Tesla is feeling it. We are feeling it. We invite people but they can't come. We've offered to meet people half way, at their house, at a common place... some are still checking their calendars. But the fact of the matter is we can't always be driving to Calgary and our friends can't always be driving to our house. If we have 15 friends and go to each of their houses once that is 15 trips we make to the city. If they all come to our house once that is one trip for each of them to make but we can't always expect people to come here. It's a problem!