7 degrees of seperation

There are events in our lives that make time stop; sometimes its just for a second. These events aren't always tragic but many of us can remember where we were when we heard about JFK's assassination, the Berlin Wall coming down, Columbine, 911. I don't remember JFK's assassination but I do remember watching the news about the wall and I remember coming home from work and being horrified as I watched live news coverage of kids fleeing from their school. I remember driving to school to coach volleyball and hearing about a plane flying into the north tower. I remember thinking that is must have been a little plane that lost control then hearing the rest of the story after volleyball practice in the staff room. I remember watching the replays on TV. I remember these events; I remember where I was, what I was doing and I remember the feelings I felt. These events were significant. I am saddened for the families even though I didn't know them.

Recently in Calgary there was a horrible murder-suicide. 5 people were killed; 2 of them were children. There was one survivor; a little girl who is the same age and shares the same name as my youngest daughter. When the investigation was done, it was concluded that the father was responsible. Why? Why would someone do that to their own family? I remember where I was when I heard. I remember what I felt and thought. I remember grieving for the grandparents and the little girl. I remember thinking about the last moments this family experienced.

I also remember calling my friend and learning that this family, the one in the paper, was closely associated with my friends. I didn't know the Lall family but I do know people that did. Suddenly the horrific events happened are only 2 degrees of seperation from me. They had friends and family who loved them. My friends have pictures of them in their childhood albums sitting around the table. They have pictures of their families together, 3 generations, sitting on the front lawn enjoying an evening together.

When you hear something like this on the news you are disturbed, shaken, saddened. You are also removed. When you know someone who knew the family, you are disturbed, shaken and saddened on a whole new level. But when you knew the Lalls you grieve. You remember a lifetime of who they were and how they were a part of your life.

My heart goes out to my friends... who have lost their friends.

Just where do we get off?

Just where do we get off? I've recently been reflecting that our generation treat our friends better than our parents. Maybe it's our society but call it what you want, we do treat our friends better than our parents. Think about it for a minute...

When your friends invite you over for dinner the first thing you ask is "What can I bring?" When your parent invite you over for dinner the only thing you ask is "What time should I come?"

I know someone who moved out of their parents house almost a year ago and still hasn't removed their stuff from their old bedroom. The stuff is still spread all over the room; the carpet still needs to be vacummed. The room is unusable. Our old room mates would never let us get away with this.

I know someone else who used to do their grocery shopping at their mom's house. What would your friends say if you came over and emptied out the cupboard? To make matters worse this same person took food from their parents freezer and left it as a thank you at someone else house.

Could you imagine what our friends would say if the next time we go out to a resturant we looked expectantly at them when the bill came... just like we do our parents...?

It makes me think how much we take our parents for granted.

It doesn't get any better when you have kids. It's generally assumed that the grandparents would love to babysit... and if your an hour late that's ok... it's good grandparent time... and it's free and the girl next door costs $6/hr.

I can't speak for the rest of society but I'm going to try better. My parents are important to me so maybe it's time to start treating them more like my friends.

Which comes first the egg or the chicken

The other day my husband put on this old (15years?) t-shirt to go out in. He hadn't shaved in at least a week and had just informed me that he isn't going to cut his hair until after he sees Iron Maiden in June. The last hair cut was Jan 4; the day of my brother's wedding.

Why bother trying if this is how he is going to be? And I told him just that.

So lets take stock. My last hair cut was in Dec. I have four identical t-shirts which I have worn two days in a row...

When did we stop trying? For me it came with the kids; the changed body of pregnacy, wearing clothes that are easiest to nurse in, the lack of personal time and the change it income.

Take shopping for instance. Just picture trying on clothes (because who knows what size you are anymore) with Anna trying to climb out of the stroller (I caught her standing on the high chair tray this week) and Tesla opening and closing the dressing room door just as I have disrobed.

To be fair, I haven't totally given up. I did call the stylist earlier today and I do have some new clothes that I wear when the laundry has been done. I also took a stand for Karl. I told him that any of his shirts that have more than eight holes in them will be thrown away. I think he's in our room hiding them.

Old friends

What is it about the people that you use to work with?

I've changed schools four times in the last 5 years and every single one of them have been great experiences. I loved the people I worked with and considered them friends. After leaving each one of them I find myself grieving the lost friends. I still think about the people from my first school. We worked together in a learning community and spent a lot of time together. We cared about the same students and each other. We attended each others weddings and celebrated the babies. We got together outside of work and we knew the joys and disappointments each was experiencing. Yet when we all went our seperate ways; we lost touch. My friends are not longer my friends. I run into them once and a while but I really can't say we are friends. It's just different and I sometimes get the feeling they don't want to run into me.

It doesn't seem to make a difference where I work because it's always the same. I can think of two people from more recent years that I am starting to grieve over the loss of their friendship. It's not like I don't try. I phone, I write but after a while I stop. When it starts to feel like I'm the only one phoning or writing then it's time to stop. I think I care too much and when I start to feel dropped; I stop. It's not that I don't care about these people because I do. When your friends with people you know things about their lives, like struggling marriages and financial problems and you wonder if there has been any resolution. I hope for resolution. I still care for these people but from a distance. I think that's what makes it sorrowful because when the phone calls stop you still care but have no clue how things are really going.

So to all my old friends that I have lost touch with... I hope things are going well!