Just where do we get off? I've recently been reflecting that our generation treat our friends better than our parents. Maybe it's our society but call it what you want, we do treat our friends better than our parents. Think about it for a minute...
When your friends invite you over for dinner the first thing you ask is "What can I bring?" When your parent invite you over for dinner the only thing you ask is "What time should I come?"
I know someone who moved out of their parents house almost a year ago and still hasn't removed their stuff from their old bedroom. The stuff is still spread all over the room; the carpet still needs to be vacummed. The room is unusable. Our old room mates would never let us get away with this.
I know someone else who used to do their grocery shopping at their mom's house. What would your friends say if you came over and emptied out the cupboard? To make matters worse this same person took food from their parents freezer and left it as a thank you at someone else house.
Could you imagine what our friends would say if the next time we go out to a resturant we looked expectantly at them when the bill came... just like we do our parents...?
It makes me think how much we take our parents for granted.
It doesn't get any better when you have kids. It's generally assumed that the grandparents would love to babysit... and if your an hour late that's ok... it's good grandparent time... and it's free and the girl next door costs $6/hr.
I can't speak for the rest of society but I'm going to try better. My parents are important to me so maybe it's time to start treating them more like my friends.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Which comes first the egg or the chicken
The other day my husband put on this old (15years?) t-shirt to go out in. He hadn't shaved in at least a week and had just informed me that he isn't going to cut his hair until after he sees Iron Maiden in June. The last hair cut was Jan 4; the day of my brother's wedding.
Why bother trying if this is how he is going to be? And I told him just that.
So lets take stock. My last hair cut was in Dec. I have four identical t-shirts which I have worn two days in a row...
When did we stop trying? For me it came with the kids; the changed body of pregnacy, wearing clothes that are easiest to nurse in, the lack of personal time and the change it income.
Take shopping for instance. Just picture trying on clothes (because who knows what size you are anymore) with Anna trying to climb out of the stroller (I caught her standing on the high chair tray this week) and Tesla opening and closing the dressing room door just as I have disrobed.
To be fair, I haven't totally given up. I did call the stylist earlier today and I do have some new clothes that I wear when the laundry has been done. I also took a stand for Karl. I told him that any of his shirts that have more than eight holes in them will be thrown away. I think he's in our room hiding them.
Why bother trying if this is how he is going to be? And I told him just that.
So lets take stock. My last hair cut was in Dec. I have four identical t-shirts which I have worn two days in a row...
When did we stop trying? For me it came with the kids; the changed body of pregnacy, wearing clothes that are easiest to nurse in, the lack of personal time and the change it income.
Take shopping for instance. Just picture trying on clothes (because who knows what size you are anymore) with Anna trying to climb out of the stroller (I caught her standing on the high chair tray this week) and Tesla opening and closing the dressing room door just as I have disrobed.
To be fair, I haven't totally given up. I did call the stylist earlier today and I do have some new clothes that I wear when the laundry has been done. I also took a stand for Karl. I told him that any of his shirts that have more than eight holes in them will be thrown away. I think he's in our room hiding them.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Old friends
What is it about the people that you use to work with?
I've changed schools four times in the last 5 years and every single one of them have been great experiences. I loved the people I worked with and considered them friends. After leaving each one of them I find myself grieving the lost friends. I still think about the people from my first school. We worked together in a learning community and spent a lot of time together. We cared about the same students and each other. We attended each others weddings and celebrated the babies. We got together outside of work and we knew the joys and disappointments each was experiencing. Yet when we all went our seperate ways; we lost touch. My friends are not longer my friends. I run into them once and a while but I really can't say we are friends. It's just different and I sometimes get the feeling they don't want to run into me.
It doesn't seem to make a difference where I work because it's always the same. I can think of two people from more recent years that I am starting to grieve over the loss of their friendship. It's not like I don't try. I phone, I write but after a while I stop. When it starts to feel like I'm the only one phoning or writing then it's time to stop. I think I care too much and when I start to feel dropped; I stop. It's not that I don't care about these people because I do. When your friends with people you know things about their lives, like struggling marriages and financial problems and you wonder if there has been any resolution. I hope for resolution. I still care for these people but from a distance. I think that's what makes it sorrowful because when the phone calls stop you still care but have no clue how things are really going.
So to all my old friends that I have lost touch with... I hope things are going well!
I've changed schools four times in the last 5 years and every single one of them have been great experiences. I loved the people I worked with and considered them friends. After leaving each one of them I find myself grieving the lost friends. I still think about the people from my first school. We worked together in a learning community and spent a lot of time together. We cared about the same students and each other. We attended each others weddings and celebrated the babies. We got together outside of work and we knew the joys and disappointments each was experiencing. Yet when we all went our seperate ways; we lost touch. My friends are not longer my friends. I run into them once and a while but I really can't say we are friends. It's just different and I sometimes get the feeling they don't want to run into me.
It doesn't seem to make a difference where I work because it's always the same. I can think of two people from more recent years that I am starting to grieve over the loss of their friendship. It's not like I don't try. I phone, I write but after a while I stop. When it starts to feel like I'm the only one phoning or writing then it's time to stop. I think I care too much and when I start to feel dropped; I stop. It's not that I don't care about these people because I do. When your friends with people you know things about their lives, like struggling marriages and financial problems and you wonder if there has been any resolution. I hope for resolution. I still care for these people but from a distance. I think that's what makes it sorrowful because when the phone calls stop you still care but have no clue how things are really going.
So to all my old friends that I have lost touch with... I hope things are going well!
Friday, February 22, 2008
Just punch me in the face...
Recently one of my facebook friends posted his status as "somebody punch me in the face if I ever decide to live with a woman again" It got me thinking; so I asked my husband if he thought living with a woman was hard. He didn't say much. That was last night.
Tonight we were making the guest bed together and I found myself instructing him about which way the top sheet should face and how the pillow case should fit the pillow and how the blankets should be folded down and how the pillows should sit on the bed and.... I started thinking maybe this is why men think women are hard to live with.
Women are raised by their mother's to do things the "right" way. Oh so many things are ingrained in our heads about how to clean and where to put things away ect, ect. Men are also trained by their mothers but not in the same way. Men are trained that if its sort of close then they were helpful. I think this is why when men and women first start living together there are issues. I have particular issues with the linen closet, pantry and dishwasher. I hate openning the linen closet and finding wash clothes in the middle of a towel pile or towels that are different sizes stacked together. (For the record there is more than one shelf in the pantry, linen closet and fridge.) I was taught that if your going to do it do it right. From his prespective he at least put it in the right cupboard. To complicate matters every family does it a little different. So when we start playing house and the women is doing it "right" and the man is being helpful and then you mix different household standards together you get friction. For example when your husband uses the dishcloth to wipe the floor and then puts it back in the sink to wash dishes with that may not be up to your standard even if it was ok in his mom's house. This is why women end up doing it themselves or over again. After a few years together we stop trying to teach the men how to do and instead we thank them for their help then when they aren't looking we fix it. Eventually they just stop helping to the relief of the woman. Brillant!
Now back to my friend who wants to be punched in the face. He obviously didn't get past the women trying to teach him phase. Which from his prespective she's just nagging all the time. My husband on the other hand has made it the eight year and is now close to off the hook.
I asked him tonight "You know when I asked you the other night if it was hard living with a woman... Does that question fit into the same category as Am I fat?" He just laughed and said "No comment."
Tonight we were making the guest bed together and I found myself instructing him about which way the top sheet should face and how the pillow case should fit the pillow and how the blankets should be folded down and how the pillows should sit on the bed and.... I started thinking maybe this is why men think women are hard to live with.
Women are raised by their mother's to do things the "right" way. Oh so many things are ingrained in our heads about how to clean and where to put things away ect, ect. Men are also trained by their mothers but not in the same way. Men are trained that if its sort of close then they were helpful. I think this is why when men and women first start living together there are issues. I have particular issues with the linen closet, pantry and dishwasher. I hate openning the linen closet and finding wash clothes in the middle of a towel pile or towels that are different sizes stacked together. (For the record there is more than one shelf in the pantry, linen closet and fridge.) I was taught that if your going to do it do it right. From his prespective he at least put it in the right cupboard. To complicate matters every family does it a little different. So when we start playing house and the women is doing it "right" and the man is being helpful and then you mix different household standards together you get friction. For example when your husband uses the dishcloth to wipe the floor and then puts it back in the sink to wash dishes with that may not be up to your standard even if it was ok in his mom's house. This is why women end up doing it themselves or over again. After a few years together we stop trying to teach the men how to do and instead we thank them for their help then when they aren't looking we fix it. Eventually they just stop helping to the relief of the woman. Brillant!
Now back to my friend who wants to be punched in the face. He obviously didn't get past the women trying to teach him phase. Which from his prespective she's just nagging all the time. My husband on the other hand has made it the eight year and is now close to off the hook.
I asked him tonight "You know when I asked you the other night if it was hard living with a woman... Does that question fit into the same category as Am I fat?" He just laughed and said "No comment."
Thursday, February 07, 2008
I'm a better MOM.
I keep hearing women say they are better Mom's because they work.
When Tesla was 13 months old I started subbing for two days a week. Sometimes it was half days but it always added up to two days a week. Karl was finishing his last year of school and we had troubles making ends meet while living on 2 EI cheques for three months. We knew I had to return to work to pay off those bills. It killed me to leave Tesla, but after a few times it got easier. I would get to the school and start teaching. I love teaching! And the truth is after a while I didn't worry about Tesla or even think about her until it was time to pick her up.
After 6 months, I got a phone call for a full time position until the end of the school year. I had been standing in church the previous Sunday telling God about our finances and two days later got this phone call. 3 months of full time in a high school. I needed high school experience. I can't teach night school unless I have high school experience... that's why I was subbing. I took the job. I love teaching! I love teaching high school!
But always in the back of my mind I could never quite get away from feeling torn. I loved my job. I am good at my job but I have a responsibility to the one I brought into this world. Was I skipping out of my responsibility by leaving her in someone else's care? What a slippery slope... Tesla was fine for those days subbing and she would be fine for those 3 months. This was the first time I heard another women say she was a better mom because she worked.
The following year I worked part time in a different high school. Again I loved my job. I was pregnant with Anna and Tesla was in a good day home. Things were good. Except for the 3 hour battles to get Tesla into bed and the days when she was sick and we would toss a coin to see who would stay home with her and a few other things. I came home from work on March 15, a month before Anna was born and I took a long look at Tesla and I knew I had lost something. She had changed in the last year and I had missed it.
Recently I was watching Friday Night Lights and one of the characters was struggling to take her baby to daycare. I felt sick with anxiety just watching.
There are days when I know work would be easier. I don't enjoy playing Dora all day everyday. I'm not a great housewife... our house is a mess. But our kids are happier. What is best for me is not what is best for them. The night time battles have ended.
Tesla goes to preschool 4.5 hours a week. This gives me a chance to do some things for me and Tesla loves it. When women say they are better Mom's because they work I have to know more information before I can agree or disagree. The big question is how much do you work? If you are dropping your child off at 7 Am and picking them up at 5 and have them in bed by 7 Pm everyday, then I can not agree with you. You are not a better mom. I can say that because I have done it. You are a Mom who enjoys work. If you are a Mom who works a couple of days a week then maybe... if it gives you the break you need to play a better Dora I might be willing to listen to you.
When Tesla was 13 months old I started subbing for two days a week. Sometimes it was half days but it always added up to two days a week. Karl was finishing his last year of school and we had troubles making ends meet while living on 2 EI cheques for three months. We knew I had to return to work to pay off those bills. It killed me to leave Tesla, but after a few times it got easier. I would get to the school and start teaching. I love teaching! And the truth is after a while I didn't worry about Tesla or even think about her until it was time to pick her up.
After 6 months, I got a phone call for a full time position until the end of the school year. I had been standing in church the previous Sunday telling God about our finances and two days later got this phone call. 3 months of full time in a high school. I needed high school experience. I can't teach night school unless I have high school experience... that's why I was subbing. I took the job. I love teaching! I love teaching high school!
But always in the back of my mind I could never quite get away from feeling torn. I loved my job. I am good at my job but I have a responsibility to the one I brought into this world. Was I skipping out of my responsibility by leaving her in someone else's care? What a slippery slope... Tesla was fine for those days subbing and she would be fine for those 3 months. This was the first time I heard another women say she was a better mom because she worked.
The following year I worked part time in a different high school. Again I loved my job. I was pregnant with Anna and Tesla was in a good day home. Things were good. Except for the 3 hour battles to get Tesla into bed and the days when she was sick and we would toss a coin to see who would stay home with her and a few other things. I came home from work on March 15, a month before Anna was born and I took a long look at Tesla and I knew I had lost something. She had changed in the last year and I had missed it.
Recently I was watching Friday Night Lights and one of the characters was struggling to take her baby to daycare. I felt sick with anxiety just watching.
There are days when I know work would be easier. I don't enjoy playing Dora all day everyday. I'm not a great housewife... our house is a mess. But our kids are happier. What is best for me is not what is best for them. The night time battles have ended.
Tesla goes to preschool 4.5 hours a week. This gives me a chance to do some things for me and Tesla loves it. When women say they are better Mom's because they work I have to know more information before I can agree or disagree. The big question is how much do you work? If you are dropping your child off at 7 Am and picking them up at 5 and have them in bed by 7 Pm everyday, then I can not agree with you. You are not a better mom. I can say that because I have done it. You are a Mom who enjoys work. If you are a Mom who works a couple of days a week then maybe... if it gives you the break you need to play a better Dora I might be willing to listen to you.
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